


Curiosity killed the cat

by Schreibblockade



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 18:39:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8589427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schreibblockade/pseuds/Schreibblockade
Summary: 5 times the Ghostbusters were being haunted and 1 time they actually notice.





	

It takes them an embarrassingly long time to figure out that they’re being haunted. They’re the Ghostbusters— _Conductors of the Metaphysical Examination_ , Erin would mutter under her breath every once in a while until Holtzmann would implore her to just _let it go_ —, discovering haunted places and busting ghosts is **literally in their job description** , and yet, they spectacularly fail in their own headquarters.

...

1.

There’s a cockroach near the fridge. Dead, apparently, Holtzmann loudly proclaims after prodding at it with her soldering iron.

(„Well, if it wasn’t before it certainly is now,“ Patty mumbles.)

If there isn’t at least one cockroach in your apartment, you’re not living in New York City.

They forget about it as soon as Holtzmann puts it in the trash.

...

2.

There’s a dead pidgeon on the outside window sill of Erin’s office space in the second floor.

„Probably banged its head on the window in flight and died,“ Abby suggests.

Holtzmann vows to not clean the windows from now on out, „to protect the local wildlife.“

„Sure, because the _clean windows_ we have is the real threat to animals in this city,“ Erin says, rolling her eyes at her friend and the nuclear equipment beeping ominously behind her.

Holtzmann winks.

...

3.

There’s a dead rat. Right in the middle of their communal space on the third floor.

Holtzmann screams. Patty teases her mercilessly about it for days to come.

Erin and Abby actually get a shovel and venture out to the dumpsters, giving the rat a short eulogy.

Unseen to any of them, the PKE meter spins on Abby’s desk in the first floor.

...

4.

„Okay, I see your point, but how would a squirrel even get into the firehouse? And then our kitchen counter?“ Abby asks, watching the dead animal on said kitchen counter dubiously. „There are no trees in the front or back and we have absolutely nothing that’d interest a squirrel, except maybe Erin’s trailmix. And that’s in the fanciest Tupperware I have seen in years.“

„I can think of five good uses for a dead squirrel today,“ Holtzmann grins, her eyes glinting mischievously.

„Keep it down, Dr. Frankenstein,“ Patty says, putting on the longest rubber gloves known to mankind while Erin gets the shovel.

...

5.

„That’s it. I’m calling it. Something strange’s going on here.“ Patty points at the dead raccoon on their couch. „I’ve checked all the windows. They’re locked. The door was too. If one of you idiots did this imma bitchslap you into next week. It’s too early in the morning for this shit. All the other animals I could kinda understand, it’s New York, but this is— _Holtzy get away from that raccoon!_ “

Holtzmann frowns, prodding at the dead animal with a screwdriver (which Abby vows to melt down after this mess is over. As well as incinerate the couch).

„What worries me the most is that there is no actual sign of what killed it. I guess diseases are always an option, but it looks absolutely healthy—except that it’s dead now. No wounds, well fed, no hairloss, gums look alright to me—“

„And when did you become a veterinary expert?“ Erin snorts, mentally preparing to get the shovel again. But that raccoon is huge and she is not in the mood to deal with it without having had coffee first.

„Since last night,“ Holtzmann replies absentmindedly, prodding the raccoon some more.

„ _Stop touching it!_ “ Abby hisses, giving the couch a wide berth to get to the kitchen. Coffee. This day calls for _so much coffee_.

„Listen,“ Patty begins again, helping Abby in her coffee-making quest, „I think desperate times call for desperate ideas. The last time this much random and weird shit happened around us there was a ghost apocalypse. Don’t you think it’s time we looked into it further?“

Abby sighs. „The last time we actually had a few legitimate ghost sightings. This is a bunch of dead animals in our building. Someone might just be pranking us. Maybe even Kevin because he thinks they’re ghosts.“

„Uh, guys?“ Erin starts, pointing at Abby’s desk, where the PKE meter is happily spinning away at a moderate speed—next to a dead fish.

Holtzmann’s „Boo-yah!“ can probably be heard all the way to Central Park.

...

+1

Abby stares at the PKE meter—and the dead fish—both in shock and disbelief, until Erin nudges her towards it.

„Well, go get it. I’m going to change before I get slimed again.“

„I’m getting the proton packs!“ Holtzmann yells excitedly, already running upstairs.

„It could’ve been such a good day,“ Patty sighs, resigned to her fate of having to depose of dead animals and having to bust a ghost before breakfast. She pats Abby’s shoulder before making her way upstairs, too.

Abby is slowly inching towards her desk. It feels weird to have her own equipment reacting to something that is apparently indoors. It feels like a violation of their privacy and she’s going to be so mad when—

Oh.

_Oh._

„Guys,“ she yells over her right shoulder, her eyes staying on her discovery, „I think one proton pack will do.“

Holtzmann’s head appears upside down through the hole for the fireman’s pole in the ceiling, frowning.

„Don’t spoil all my fun, Abster, I can carry all of them at once.“

Abby wants to roll her eyes, but, right, focus.

„It’s not a huge ghost is what I’m saying. Just a trap would probably do.“

Almost a split-second later Holtzmann is sliding down the pole.

„That has to be the most anti-climatic bust we’ve ever been on,“ she says, disappointment clearly showing on her face when her boots hit the floor.

Erin and Patty have returned by now, both in coveralls, and the three of them make their way back to Abby.

„Oh my god,“ is the only thing Patty can think of, slightly drowned out by Erin’s „Look at it, it’s so **_fluffy_**!“ Followed by Holtzmann’s „Can we keep it?“

Abby sighs. „You guys. It’s a ghost.“

„It’s a cat!“ Erin exclaims, pointing at it exaggeratingly.

„Fine, it’s a _ghost cat_ ,“ Abby grinds out. „We’re not keeping it.“

Holtzmann steps closer, one hand reaching out to pet the ghost cat that is currently rolled up on Abby’s desk chair.

Her hand goes right through it.

„I don’t know what I was expecting,“ she says, while trying to pet it again.

„Stop touching it,“ Patty scowls.

„That’s not what you said last night,“ Holtzmann smirks, wiggling her fingers over the ghost fur.

„I’m going to ignore everything I just heard,“ Abby sighs, rubbing her temples. „It’s a ghost. We have to get rid of it.“

„It’s not doing anything, though,“ Erin says, giving Abby her best puppy dog eyes.

„It put a dead squirrel on our kitchen counter and a dead raccoon on our couch,“ Abby deadpans. „Our perfectly good couch, I would like to add, that we had to throw out afterwards. We’re not keeping it. It. Is. A. Ghost.“

„Doesn’t do shit, though, I agree,“ Patty says, giving the cat a vicious side-eye. „Just like every other cat I’ve seen.“

Erin gives Abby a sideway hug while giving her the most ridiculous pout she has ever seen. „Please?“

Abby can feel herself wavering. That damn pout has been her undoing since 11th grade. „I’m allergic to cats,“ she tries in a last ditch effort.

Holtzmann snorts. „Oh please. It’s a ghost cat. There is no shedding.“

Patty nods. „Also good pest control.“

Erin’s damn puppy dog eyes again, and her mouth closer to Abby’s face than considered polite in mixed company.

„Pleeeeeeaaaaaase?“ Erin draws out, her right index and middle finger slowly walking up Abby’s shoulder.

Abby sighs deeply, which seems to be all the confirmation the rest of them needs.

„Fine,“ she says, trying to ignore Erin smiling into her neck and watching Patty and Holtzmann try to pick up the cat with nothing short of amusement. It’s not working, the ghost steadfastly remaining on her chair.

„But if it hacks up ectoplasm instead of hairballs, you guys mop it up.“

**Author's Note:**

> I came out of self-imposed fic-retirement for this. Can you believe it. Maybe it’s time to get back in the writing business. For everyone who doesn’t know me: English is not my first language. I hope I got the tone of the characters somewhat right. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Shoutout to my buddy PlushKiwi for getting me to write again.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Curiosity killed the cat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13363038) by [Annapods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annapods/pseuds/Annapods)




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